700 Giddies!

いろいろ発信したい、というか発散したい。日本語・英語バイリンガル、バイカルチャー的な日々に葛藤してます。

"I'm depressed." I said, and here's how my male boss reacted.

 

 

When I've told my male boss that I have a mental instability, the first he asked me was "Do you have a monthly period?".

 

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I was shocked, by the insensivity and the attitude just like he knows everything.

That can be a sexual harrasment, but also it's a mental harrasment.

 

Well, I don't know why that  happened because I showed him the medical certificate that my doctor writes for me not to work too much and to have a little excuse in case I can't really go and work.

 

Next, he asked me "Did you have a bad experience in the past?"

I only said "No" with my blank face, but inconfidently.

 

 

I have counselling every other week.

We explore how come I became depressed.

While talking to her, I'm always crying, but after that, I just want to be back as a normal Me. However, sometimes, I just CAN'T. 

Please forgive me, when my eyes got red, I might not be able to have a nice conversation with you.

But it's not your responsibility to cheer me up.

I only wish people never mind that, and have a normal conversation.

If that's in person between me and you, then I wish you to be just as normal as another day.

 

 

The other day, he asked "Did you take the medication?"

Because I was  annoyed and probably was painting on my face saying "I'M ANNOYED".

That wasn't because I didn't take the medication, but because he annoyed me.

Depression at most of the time, does not have a serious big factor, but many a little makes a mikle.

I am also a human - I get angry, sad, and sometimes happy.

Don't shuffle your responsibility with my mental illness.

 

Yes, I sometimes need medication to back calm down. Otherwise I could keep crying all day on my bed.

I take them, when I need them. When I don't need them, I dont. Because bipolar is difficult to be on one medication.

If I take them when I'm ok, I feel like I'm not Me.

So we have to keep looking, whether I'm on the stable lap or depressed or high tension.

If I take the anti-depression medication when I'm depressed, the side effect is that I could be very agressive, easily to get angry and too excited.

 

 

Please, do understand me, no one out there cannot heal me, nor even hurt me more, because this is a pain in deeeeeeeep inside of my brain that my memory keeps hurting itself.

It isn't easy to just stop having the traumas and PTSD.

Sometimes I just need time to process things going on in my brain.

 

There's my hope; one day, people would be more torelant with this issue. At this time, I feel, people are almost allergic to the mental illness. A lot of people don't even know how to react to it.

I think, (though not for every depressed one), it's ok to let them be alone for a bit when they need time. But it's not ok to treat like an abnormal.

It's ok to let them be depressed cause it's like a flu. The fever is to kill the virus, isn't it? But it's not ok to dig it up and say "see, this is what you are struggling with." because we already know it at most of the cases.

 

If they needed to talk about it, they would open their mouth to the trusted person. So if you are the trusted one, please do not close your ears just because you don't know how to solve the problems. Just LISTEN. It's ok to speak nothing. We do not need your words or resolutions, but ATTENTIONS.

 

7th of October, 2017

Moemi